If one more person tells me how wonderful it is that we got snow, I'm going to drop kick them into the Antarctic Circle where they can enjoy the crap year round. Seriously, who enjoys this for longer than the time it takes to complete a few ski / snowboard runs and make a snowman or snow angel? No one, that's who. Cause it's cold, wet and uncomfortable. If it were anything but that, it would be the white sands of some Caribbean beach and everyone would love it.
Now, for all you complainers of heat - let's stop crying. You know everyone dislikes muggy weather, but hot with a nice breeze is fantastic. You may sweat a little but none of your digits are threatening to turn black and fall off, now are they?
Stupid snow and ice. First snow - does the state get out there in a timely manner with the salt and sand? Not Virginia, by God, we can't even get that right. The state of Maryland was all over the preparation and handling of the weather, but not VA. Instead cars (including mine) spin out going "idle" because God knows I didn't touch the gas. Top it off with freezing rain and that makes for a lovely drive home after the Saints lost to the @#$#@$#@$ Bears.
Oh yeah, my Sunday SUCKED. Wait, to put the cherry on a crappy day - I'm trying to scrape the ice off my driver's sideview mirror so I can see the idiots coming for me - AND IT BREAKS OFF.
The mirror, not the ice. @#$!#@$@#!%$@#%!$$#@!$! THAT'S JUST PERFECT!
God has a sense of humor. I just hate when I'm the punchline.
1.24.2007
State of the Union
Before we begin, you should know I did not listen to the entire address. I couldn't. I would have literally stabbed myself in the heart with a rusty spoon if forced to endure that entire load of tripe. What I heard was bad enough, but then to come into work to find out that he simply stayed on his same path of blind hopefulness made me glad I had other plans.
That being said, I have done my homework into the details of his address. I even have a transcript of the evening, but reading it all made my eyes bleed so now I'm typing this blind. Thanks, Georgie. At any rate, here is my overall question of the day:
What. Is. He. Smoking? And is it free at the White House, or does he still have to meet the guy in a dark alley somewhere?
Only a crackhead continues the same behaviour and expects different results - that or an insane person, and who am I to call the CIC insane. I'd prefer to think he has a drug problem that can be cured and thus make him into a competent, well-spoken, educated man.
*roars with laughter* Ok, I crack me up. Almost as much as that speech did last night. I mean obviously he was JOKING. He couldn't seriously think any of his plans or ideas have a snowball's chance in hell on a hot summer day of getting past the new Congress or the American people.
Right!
Right.
Right?
That being said, I have done my homework into the details of his address. I even have a transcript of the evening, but reading it all made my eyes bleed so now I'm typing this blind. Thanks, Georgie. At any rate, here is my overall question of the day:
What. Is. He. Smoking? And is it free at the White House, or does he still have to meet the guy in a dark alley somewhere?
Only a crackhead continues the same behaviour and expects different results - that or an insane person, and who am I to call the CIC insane. I'd prefer to think he has a drug problem that can be cured and thus make him into a competent, well-spoken, educated man.
*roars with laughter* Ok, I crack me up. Almost as much as that speech did last night. I mean obviously he was JOKING. He couldn't seriously think any of his plans or ideas have a snowball's chance in hell on a hot summer day of getting past the new Congress or the American people.
Right!
Right.
Right?
1.10.2007
FedUp
So, I am expecting a package that contains a sizeable check. I needed this check - well immediately - and paid for express delivery. The company uses FedEx, which is no problem at all until I realize a fatal error. The company has my old address. This package requires a signature. *CRAP*
I call the company, but the package has already been picked up by FedEx so they can't fix the address. I call FedEx who tells me they can't fix the address over the phone. Understandable, so I ask if they can just hold the package at the local office and I will pick it up.
No, this can't be done until they make an unsuccessful delivery attempt. What? I'm telling you I don't live there and I don't want the check accidentally given to some asshole who signs for it without looking. Please, just hold it at the local office. Sorry, can't do it.
So, this morning I am at the local office the minute it opens (because the phone number for said office is top secret like the President's IQ or something) and cheerfully go in to save my package from being lost in delivery hell.
"Sorry, that went out on the truck this morning." Fine - can you tell the driver NOT to deliver it and to bring it back. I mean, this is FedEx, I iimagine the drivers have to come back at least once to pick up another load or whatever they do in these type of places. So, she actually goes the extra mile and calls the dispatcher to find out when that driver would return.
He won't. He's pulling a double shift (called a split shift which makes no sense but that's besides the point) and won't be back until 8pm. WHAT?! That's 12 hours of delivery. He won't come back for messages, coffee, a sandwich, more packages, THE OTHER TRUCK he's going to deliver from? No.
So I can come back at 8pm tonight to pick up my package. Maybe. If he's there. And it's able to be found and not put into the next day's delivery cycle.
WHY CAN NOTHING BE SIMPLE? If the FedEx people had just worked with me YESTERDAY, it would have been sitting at the counter this morning and we'd all be happy. At least I would be, but if I'm not happy - no one is.
Dammit.
I call the company, but the package has already been picked up by FedEx so they can't fix the address. I call FedEx who tells me they can't fix the address over the phone. Understandable, so I ask if they can just hold the package at the local office and I will pick it up.
No, this can't be done until they make an unsuccessful delivery attempt. What? I'm telling you I don't live there and I don't want the check accidentally given to some asshole who signs for it without looking. Please, just hold it at the local office. Sorry, can't do it.
So, this morning I am at the local office the minute it opens (because the phone number for said office is top secret like the President's IQ or something) and cheerfully go in to save my package from being lost in delivery hell.
"Sorry, that went out on the truck this morning." Fine - can you tell the driver NOT to deliver it and to bring it back. I mean, this is FedEx, I iimagine the drivers have to come back at least once to pick up another load or whatever they do in these type of places. So, she actually goes the extra mile and calls the dispatcher to find out when that driver would return.
He won't. He's pulling a double shift (called a split shift which makes no sense but that's besides the point) and won't be back until 8pm. WHAT?! That's 12 hours of delivery. He won't come back for messages, coffee, a sandwich, more packages, THE OTHER TRUCK he's going to deliver from? No.
So I can come back at 8pm tonight to pick up my package. Maybe. If he's there. And it's able to be found and not put into the next day's delivery cycle.
WHY CAN NOTHING BE SIMPLE? If the FedEx people had just worked with me YESTERDAY, it would have been sitting at the counter this morning and we'd all be happy. At least I would be, but if I'm not happy - no one is.
Dammit.
PA: Rewind, Play or Fast Forward... There is no pause in life
Everyone wants to go backwards or start over. I find this to be a frustrating attitude. It’s like people don’t realize that things happen for a reason. You couldn’t be the person you are today without the experiences that got you there. Good, bad or otherwise benign – all of your past culminates in your present and adds to your future.
Still, everyone seems to want a rewind button. I personally think it’s a lack of faith to even consider it. Does that seem to be a non sequiter? Bear with me. Faith is a foundation and I’m not talking religion here because I don’t care what you believe in so long as you believe in something. Faith is that belief in more than human beings; that there is something or someone more powerful available to help you along the path of life; and that there is a destination for life that goes beyond a 6-foot deep hole and a eulogy.
With faith, the rest of the world has a chance of making sense. All the horrible things we, as humans, do to one another actually have a place in the grand scheme of things. I’m not saying that we necessarily understand that great plan, but the knowledge that it’s there provides hope. With hope, the past becomes a stepping stone to a better place.
If there’s a plan, and I have faith that there is, then even someone hurting me has a place in it. I may have to suffer for a moment so that they can move on to the next step in their part of this enormous production. One day, I’m sure I’ll be the one hurting someone else. The best we can do is acknowledge, learn and avoid repeating mistakes to make our future path smoother.
So, going back gains you nothing but a different set of mistakes with potentially better or worse outcomes. Of course, there are those people that don’t want to go backwards, but instead want to just quit where they are right now. The past was so bad to them that they can’t foresee going forward.
In both of these cases, the root of the problem remains the same. People have an inability to let go of the past. They walk around holding their hurts, grudges, anger and memories like medals of honors pinned to their bare skin. They wallow in the rationalization that if their parents, siblings, extended family, friends, schools, churches, or neighbors had only been better, nicer, smarter, richer, prettier or holier they could have a different life. However, since that isn’t the case, they are doomed and there is no reason to go on.
Sounds pretty foolish when you read it, doesn’t it? I’ve always believed you “be a living example”. In other words, if you’ve come from the gutter, fallen in the gutter, currently abide in a gutter – your goal in life should be to demonstrate to others how to escape the gutter. Everyone takes a different path to do this. For some people, the gutter is something tangible like drug abuse or criminal behavior. In some cases it is poverty or lack of education. Even a cycle of abusive relationships is a type of gutter. Bad family history? Gutter.
Whatever your gutter, you can climb out of it. Because there is hope, you can work towards a better place than where you are currently. It might just mean climbing onto the curb for a while, but hey – it’s not the gutter, right?
People don’t seem to think this way. Let’s say your family has a history of alcoholism and poor money management. You have a couple choices, you can either learn from this family history or repeat it. Even if you do repeat it, you now have the knowledge to recognize the problem and potentially have the solution already in your past.
Erasing that only makes you as dumb as your ancestors who have already walked that broken road without the experience of what such a life could bring. This is only my opinion of course. It’s all based on faith, hope and an unwillingness to dwell in the past. I can see the gutters I’ve sidestepped because of my experiences to date and I’ve pulled myself from the ones I wasn’t smart enough to avoid. I just hope that anyone watching me is learning from my life so they can improve theirs.
Living examples don’t erase the past, they push the dirt into a mold and make it into bricks to build something from. So, let me ask you, are you a living example, another person wishing for a rewind button that doesn’t exist or a quitter unwilling to give true life a try?
Still, everyone seems to want a rewind button. I personally think it’s a lack of faith to even consider it. Does that seem to be a non sequiter? Bear with me. Faith is a foundation and I’m not talking religion here because I don’t care what you believe in so long as you believe in something. Faith is that belief in more than human beings; that there is something or someone more powerful available to help you along the path of life; and that there is a destination for life that goes beyond a 6-foot deep hole and a eulogy.
With faith, the rest of the world has a chance of making sense. All the horrible things we, as humans, do to one another actually have a place in the grand scheme of things. I’m not saying that we necessarily understand that great plan, but the knowledge that it’s there provides hope. With hope, the past becomes a stepping stone to a better place.
If there’s a plan, and I have faith that there is, then even someone hurting me has a place in it. I may have to suffer for a moment so that they can move on to the next step in their part of this enormous production. One day, I’m sure I’ll be the one hurting someone else. The best we can do is acknowledge, learn and avoid repeating mistakes to make our future path smoother.
So, going back gains you nothing but a different set of mistakes with potentially better or worse outcomes. Of course, there are those people that don’t want to go backwards, but instead want to just quit where they are right now. The past was so bad to them that they can’t foresee going forward.
In both of these cases, the root of the problem remains the same. People have an inability to let go of the past. They walk around holding their hurts, grudges, anger and memories like medals of honors pinned to their bare skin. They wallow in the rationalization that if their parents, siblings, extended family, friends, schools, churches, or neighbors had only been better, nicer, smarter, richer, prettier or holier they could have a different life. However, since that isn’t the case, they are doomed and there is no reason to go on.
Sounds pretty foolish when you read it, doesn’t it? I’ve always believed you “be a living example”. In other words, if you’ve come from the gutter, fallen in the gutter, currently abide in a gutter – your goal in life should be to demonstrate to others how to escape the gutter. Everyone takes a different path to do this. For some people, the gutter is something tangible like drug abuse or criminal behavior. In some cases it is poverty or lack of education. Even a cycle of abusive relationships is a type of gutter. Bad family history? Gutter.
Whatever your gutter, you can climb out of it. Because there is hope, you can work towards a better place than where you are currently. It might just mean climbing onto the curb for a while, but hey – it’s not the gutter, right?
People don’t seem to think this way. Let’s say your family has a history of alcoholism and poor money management. You have a couple choices, you can either learn from this family history or repeat it. Even if you do repeat it, you now have the knowledge to recognize the problem and potentially have the solution already in your past.
Erasing that only makes you as dumb as your ancestors who have already walked that broken road without the experience of what such a life could bring. This is only my opinion of course. It’s all based on faith, hope and an unwillingness to dwell in the past. I can see the gutters I’ve sidestepped because of my experiences to date and I’ve pulled myself from the ones I wasn’t smart enough to avoid. I just hope that anyone watching me is learning from my life so they can improve theirs.
Living examples don’t erase the past, they push the dirt into a mold and make it into bricks to build something from. So, let me ask you, are you a living example, another person wishing for a rewind button that doesn’t exist or a quitter unwilling to give true life a try?
Public Service Announcement 101
These will come occasionally - they are not rants or raves, but thoughtful moments of introspection.
Did I say occasionally? I meant rarely. Either way, they will be profound. I promise.
Did I say occasionally? I meant rarely. Either way, they will be profound. I promise.
1.05.2007
Office Post-Its I'll never leave...
DisgruntledMinorityEmployees(You know who you are!) please stop spending half your day whining about how "they" will never let you get ahead. That is bullshit. We work in a government office run by a woman who promotes initiative and autonomy. Obviously if you actually showed either of these skills, you'd move up in the world. Tired of doing admin paper pushing? Prove you can do more and stop complaining, the rest of "us" don't seem to have a problem.
Mr. ICanDoEverything please stop coming by my desk to inform me that you're working on that project as well. Yes, I'm sure you can do everything and the rest of us are all unnecessary members of the team. After all, you're an engineer. We all know, you've mentioned it - repeatedly. However, if you tried not living by the motto "Jack of All Trades, Master of None", you might actually meet a deadline and not continue slipping our schedule to the right.
Imelda Marcos, I have no idea what you do for this government agency, but damn you have nice shoes. This isn't a complaint because I would raid your closet in a heartbeat. I like the fact that they match your designer suits and jeans as well. How much ARE we paying you senior government employees?
Hey, Mr. Smiles, you are scary. I'm pretty certain you're gay but the weird flirting, smiling and constant compliments freak me out. Please stop. I'm sure I speak for all the women in the office. If you're actually straight and that is your method of flirting, I have a really good idea why you're single.
Ms. I'mASmall-ISwear, it's time to admit you should be wearing clothing a size, possibly two sizes larger. You're spending a lot of money on nice clothing that fits you like the local hoochie mama. Either go on a diet and stick to it or dress for the size you actually are. This is not a judgement on whether or not you're fat, because I certainly need to hit the gym. This is simply a friendly advice that every bulge doesn't have to be outlined (along with your underwear), if you were not squeezing into clothing that is too small.
TheTeleconTrio who sit in the offices around mine may not have noticed the cubicle/offices don't have walls that go to the ceiling. Thus we can hear everything you say in your "private" offices. When you are all on the same telecon on speakerphone, we can hear that too. In stereo. STOP IT! Are you all really too lazy to walk 3 feet or less and sit in one office?
Ms. SupportMyKids - How many children do you have? Honestly, we buy cookies, pizzas, wrapping paper, flowers, candles, etc. all year round supporting their various events. I thought you only had three kids. When do they have time to study with all these extra-curricular activities we're supporting? Seriously, I think some family time might be in order. Or jobs.
Lastly, Ms. Stairwell, I know you don't work in my office, just on my floor, but I didn't want to slight you. You'll never live down your "friendship" with your coworker. Everyone in the building knows you two are involved despite apparently being married to other people. After being caught literally on your knees and apparently in the car at lunch, I want to give you kudos for walking around with your head held high. Just remember to wipe your mouth after meal, no one wants to see that.
Mr. ICanDoEverything please stop coming by my desk to inform me that you're working on that project as well. Yes, I'm sure you can do everything and the rest of us are all unnecessary members of the team. After all, you're an engineer. We all know, you've mentioned it - repeatedly. However, if you tried not living by the motto "Jack of All Trades, Master of None", you might actually meet a deadline and not continue slipping our schedule to the right.
Imelda Marcos, I have no idea what you do for this government agency, but damn you have nice shoes. This isn't a complaint because I would raid your closet in a heartbeat. I like the fact that they match your designer suits and jeans as well. How much ARE we paying you senior government employees?
Hey, Mr. Smiles, you are scary. I'm pretty certain you're gay but the weird flirting, smiling and constant compliments freak me out. Please stop. I'm sure I speak for all the women in the office. If you're actually straight and that is your method of flirting, I have a really good idea why you're single.
Ms. I'mASmall-ISwear, it's time to admit you should be wearing clothing a size, possibly two sizes larger. You're spending a lot of money on nice clothing that fits you like the local hoochie mama. Either go on a diet and stick to it or dress for the size you actually are. This is not a judgement on whether or not you're fat, because I certainly need to hit the gym. This is simply a friendly advice that every bulge doesn't have to be outlined (along with your underwear), if you were not squeezing into clothing that is too small.
TheTeleconTrio who sit in the offices around mine may not have noticed the cubicle/offices don't have walls that go to the ceiling. Thus we can hear everything you say in your "private" offices. When you are all on the same telecon on speakerphone, we can hear that too. In stereo. STOP IT! Are you all really too lazy to walk 3 feet or less and sit in one office?
Ms. SupportMyKids - How many children do you have? Honestly, we buy cookies, pizzas, wrapping paper, flowers, candles, etc. all year round supporting their various events. I thought you only had three kids. When do they have time to study with all these extra-curricular activities we're supporting? Seriously, I think some family time might be in order. Or jobs.
Lastly, Ms. Stairwell, I know you don't work in my office, just on my floor, but I didn't want to slight you. You'll never live down your "friendship" with your coworker. Everyone in the building knows you two are involved despite apparently being married to other people. After being caught literally on your knees and apparently in the car at lunch, I want to give you kudos for walking around with your head held high. Just remember to wipe your mouth after meal, no one wants to see that.
Ok, that made me laugh...
I've heard comedians do bits about ridiculous warnings on labels, but I've never actually read any myself that make me laugh out loud. Until today.
I just got a new 'Chocolate' phone for Christmas. Keep the commentary, I like it and that's all that matters. Suffice to say, I'm a girl, so I'm reading the manual on the phone.
The following warnings are on the first page:
- Never use an unapproved battery since this could damage the phone and / or battery and could CAUSE THE BATTERY TO EXPLODE.(Where has this happened? Jesus, this is the stuff that should be on the front page of the paper. I use batteries all the time and have never worried about them exploding before.)
- Never place your phone in a microwave oven ... (I'm going to stop right there, because again - WHERE has this happened? What are you doing that you put your cell phone in the microwave? "Oh sure, Maude, I'll help you get that turkey out the oven. Where can I put my phone so it's safe? I know! The microwave!)
- When riding in a car, do not leave your phone or set up the hands-free kit near the air bag. If wireless equipment is installed and the air bag is deployed, you may be seriously injured. (Sherlock, if the air bag is deployed, I was just in a fucking car accident so yeah, injury is a definite possibility. Also, I'd like my phone nearby so I can call for help. Thanks.)
- Do not use the phone in areas where its use is prohibited. [For example: aircraft] (Thank you, I was unsure what that prohibited word meant and needed clarification.)
- Do not use harsh chemicals (such as alcohol, benzene, thinners, etc) or detergents to clean your phone. This could cause a fire. (What are you people doing with your phone that it would need this? Seriously, I'm curious.)
- Do not use your phone in high explosive areas as the phone may generate sparks. (Well, shit, how am I supposed to call and brag about sneaking into the armory then?)
- Do not hold or let the antenna come in contact with your body during a call. (A: This phone doesn't have an antenna. B: Why not? You can't tell me not to do something without a good reason. Who's making up these stupid rules?)
- An emergency call can be made only within a service area. For an emergency call, make sure that you are within a service area and that the phone is turned on. (What does emergency mean to you?)Now mind you, this is just my smartass reaction because I assume if you're smart enough to own a cell phone, most if not all of these warnings are common sense. I could be wrong.
I just got a new 'Chocolate' phone for Christmas. Keep the commentary, I like it and that's all that matters. Suffice to say, I'm a girl, so I'm reading the manual on the phone.
The following warnings are on the first page:
- Never use an unapproved battery since this could damage the phone and / or battery and could CAUSE THE BATTERY TO EXPLODE.(Where has this happened? Jesus, this is the stuff that should be on the front page of the paper. I use batteries all the time and have never worried about them exploding before.)
- Never place your phone in a microwave oven ... (I'm going to stop right there, because again - WHERE has this happened? What are you doing that you put your cell phone in the microwave? "Oh sure, Maude, I'll help you get that turkey out the oven. Where can I put my phone so it's safe? I know! The microwave!)
- When riding in a car, do not leave your phone or set up the hands-free kit near the air bag. If wireless equipment is installed and the air bag is deployed, you may be seriously injured. (Sherlock, if the air bag is deployed, I was just in a fucking car accident so yeah, injury is a definite possibility. Also, I'd like my phone nearby so I can call for help. Thanks.)
- Do not use the phone in areas where its use is prohibited. [For example: aircraft] (Thank you, I was unsure what that prohibited word meant and needed clarification.)
- Do not use harsh chemicals (such as alcohol, benzene, thinners, etc) or detergents to clean your phone. This could cause a fire. (What are you people doing with your phone that it would need this? Seriously, I'm curious.)
- Do not use your phone in high explosive areas as the phone may generate sparks. (Well, shit, how am I supposed to call and brag about sneaking into the armory then?)
- Do not hold or let the antenna come in contact with your body during a call. (A: This phone doesn't have an antenna. B: Why not? You can't tell me not to do something without a good reason. Who's making up these stupid rules?)
- An emergency call can be made only within a service area. For an emergency call, make sure that you are within a service area and that the phone is turned on. (What does emergency mean to you?)Now mind you, this is just my smartass reaction because I assume if you're smart enough to own a cell phone, most if not all of these warnings are common sense. I could be wrong.
Scales of Justice
This will be a quick post, because honestly, I'm just having a moment of reflective curiousity. (Ponder that one for a minute, why dontcha!)
Why is it ok for men to judge women based on weight, size, looks, clothing, general intellect and family background but when a woman mentions she won't date a guy without a real job and shorter than her, she's in the wrong?
Can anyone explain this to me?
Anyone?
Why is it ok for men to judge women based on weight, size, looks, clothing, general intellect and family background but when a woman mentions she won't date a guy without a real job and shorter than her, she's in the wrong?
Can anyone explain this to me?
Anyone?
Wanted: New Neighbors
So, I put up with your three miniature shetland ponies you call children romping overhead at all hours. Most of the time, I don't even say anything (except when I have a migraine or am sleeping). My roommate endures your loud television over her bedroom at 5am. We're nice that way.
So, this morning I'm not amused to have water running down my bathroom wall, peeling away the paint and dripping into the hallway through the doorframe. Luckily, the cat staring at the dripping gave me a heads-up before I walked into the full mess.
Now, I know you told the maintenance guy that "you just got the water down in the tub because it was backing up", because I heard you say it.
LIAR. LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR.
I heard the water running full-blast for at least twenty minutes after I woke up. I thought you were taking a shower, NOT RUNNING A BATH. God knows how long it ran before I got up for work, but what kind of moron starts running a bath and doesn't notice it for so long that it leaks through the floor to the apartment below?
Of course, these are just the people upstairs. We're not discussing the two "brothers" who live in the building next to us that play the bass in their stereo loud enough to shake, rattle and roll the deaf into the new year.
Who raises people to live like this when others are so obviously affected by their stupid actions?
So, this morning I'm not amused to have water running down my bathroom wall, peeling away the paint and dripping into the hallway through the doorframe. Luckily, the cat staring at the dripping gave me a heads-up before I walked into the full mess.
Now, I know you told the maintenance guy that "you just got the water down in the tub because it was backing up", because I heard you say it.
LIAR. LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR.
I heard the water running full-blast for at least twenty minutes after I woke up. I thought you were taking a shower, NOT RUNNING A BATH. God knows how long it ran before I got up for work, but what kind of moron starts running a bath and doesn't notice it for so long that it leaks through the floor to the apartment below?
Of course, these are just the people upstairs. We're not discussing the two "brothers" who live in the building next to us that play the bass in their stereo loud enough to shake, rattle and roll the deaf into the new year.
Who raises people to live like this when others are so obviously affected by their stupid actions?
Perpetual Party Pooper
I've been having a bad day. For about a week or 52...
Honestly, I can get happy for a few hours or even days, but then I end up in a funk. I have no idea why. Well, ok, that's not true. It's because most people around me are absolute morons and I've run out of patience dealing with them. That sounds so bad, doesn't it?
Honestly, why can't I have a Pollyanna view and see the good in the asshole THAT JUST CUT ME OFF. Or the stupid chick in the ugly clothes who is walking so slowly while talking on her cellphone and weaving all over the sidewalk that I can't get to the Metro station and catch my train on time for JUST ONCE. I'm sure if I really tried, I could learn to appreciate the fact that even though I have a double alarm clock I am still always late for work. And I forgot my lunch again, which means I'm going to have to buy something which will probably have 1,000,000,000 calories and cause me to break my diet and gain another pound. Which will lead me to standing on the scale in the morning lamenting the fact that God hates me and my body won't cooperate for thirty minues, making me late for work again.
If I could just find the silver linings in my daily hell, working with people with advanced degrees who are too stupid to be allowed to tie their own shoes, I'm sure I would be a happier person.
That or I should drink more, I'm not entirely certain.
Honestly, I can get happy for a few hours or even days, but then I end up in a funk. I have no idea why. Well, ok, that's not true. It's because most people around me are absolute morons and I've run out of patience dealing with them. That sounds so bad, doesn't it?
Honestly, why can't I have a Pollyanna view and see the good in the asshole THAT JUST CUT ME OFF. Or the stupid chick in the ugly clothes who is walking so slowly while talking on her cellphone and weaving all over the sidewalk that I can't get to the Metro station and catch my train on time for JUST ONCE. I'm sure if I really tried, I could learn to appreciate the fact that even though I have a double alarm clock I am still always late for work. And I forgot my lunch again, which means I'm going to have to buy something which will probably have 1,000,000,000 calories and cause me to break my diet and gain another pound. Which will lead me to standing on the scale in the morning lamenting the fact that God hates me and my body won't cooperate for thirty minues, making me late for work again.
If I could just find the silver linings in my daily hell, working with people with advanced degrees who are too stupid to be allowed to tie their own shoes, I'm sure I would be a happier person.
That or I should drink more, I'm not entirely certain.
Horses, Cows and Sheep...
I hate people who can't drive. I know you've said the very same thing, likely about me, but honestly - I don't care. I can drive. I've had two accidents EVER and both were caused by other people. (Technically one was caused by a spider, but we won't get into that.)
When driving down the street there seem to be three types of drivers and at one time or another, we've all been one of these people. Imagine you're going down a three lane... err, lane and riding a horse. It's a nice horse, nothing flashy like those damned Arabians but a sound quarterhorse with good speed in the straightaway. You're riding along when ahead of you in your lane is someone riding a cow.
Now, cows have the potential to be quite fast. Ever seen those bovines stampede? Me either, but I hear it's a sight. I'm a city girl and if ever cows stampede here, I'm going to have some serious issues with the city planners. Anyway, so you're riding along and there's a cow. It's plodding along. Not necessarily a slow animal, but why is it in the horse lane? It's obviously not traveling at the same speeds as the horses.
You look around, thinking to pass the cow behind the next thoroughbred to zip by you, but instead you see another cow traveling just fast enough that you can't slip past. Or worse, it's a sheep. Sheep travel in long lines behind a cow that seems to be moving quickly to them. Sheep are stupid that way. They will follow whomever is in the lead, but they don't have the discernment to follow behind a horse that will get them where they are going in a timely manner.
So you and your excellent steed are stuck in traveling hell. Cows and sheep everywhere you look. This is my experience driving on the interstates in the Baltimore/DC Metro area. In Virginia, there are a lot of people either riding cows or pushing along nags that need to be retired to pasture. In DC, everyone is lost. It's not that big of a city, but seriously - you could wander in circles for days. Plus, they are all on sheep. I'll give Maryland credit, they mostly ride horses there - from nags to racers, but most of them have bad seats and no riding etiquette.
Horses, cows and sheep - God help you if one of them turns up lame.
When driving down the street there seem to be three types of drivers and at one time or another, we've all been one of these people. Imagine you're going down a three lane... err, lane and riding a horse. It's a nice horse, nothing flashy like those damned Arabians but a sound quarterhorse with good speed in the straightaway. You're riding along when ahead of you in your lane is someone riding a cow.
Now, cows have the potential to be quite fast. Ever seen those bovines stampede? Me either, but I hear it's a sight. I'm a city girl and if ever cows stampede here, I'm going to have some serious issues with the city planners. Anyway, so you're riding along and there's a cow. It's plodding along. Not necessarily a slow animal, but why is it in the horse lane? It's obviously not traveling at the same speeds as the horses.
You look around, thinking to pass the cow behind the next thoroughbred to zip by you, but instead you see another cow traveling just fast enough that you can't slip past. Or worse, it's a sheep. Sheep travel in long lines behind a cow that seems to be moving quickly to them. Sheep are stupid that way. They will follow whomever is in the lead, but they don't have the discernment to follow behind a horse that will get them where they are going in a timely manner.
So you and your excellent steed are stuck in traveling hell. Cows and sheep everywhere you look. This is my experience driving on the interstates in the Baltimore/DC Metro area. In Virginia, there are a lot of people either riding cows or pushing along nags that need to be retired to pasture. In DC, everyone is lost. It's not that big of a city, but seriously - you could wander in circles for days. Plus, they are all on sheep. I'll give Maryland credit, they mostly ride horses there - from nags to racers, but most of them have bad seats and no riding etiquette.
Horses, cows and sheep - God help you if one of them turns up lame.
Welcome to the Customer Service Desk...
We all have them. One of "those" days. It's like standing in line for the customer service desk to ask a question or make a quick return but the person in front of you has a monologue of complaints, no receipt and a non-english-speaking and bored customer service representative that he/she is steadily pissing off.
And you're next.
And you're next.
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