Ok, that made me laugh...

I've heard comedians do bits about ridiculous warnings on labels, but I've never actually read any myself that make me laugh out loud. Until today.

I just got a new 'Chocolate' phone for Christmas. Keep the commentary, I like it and that's all that matters. Suffice to say, I'm a girl, so I'm reading the manual on the phone.

The following warnings are on the first page:

- Never use an unapproved battery since this could damage the phone and / or battery and could CAUSE THE BATTERY TO EXPLODE.(Where has this happened? Jesus, this is the stuff that should be on the front page of the paper. I use batteries all the time and have never worried about them exploding before.)

- Never place your phone in a microwave oven ... (I'm going to stop right there, because again - WHERE has this happened? What are you doing that you put your cell phone in the microwave? "Oh sure, Maude, I'll help you get that turkey out the oven. Where can I put my phone so it's safe? I know! The microwave!)

- When riding in a car, do not leave your phone or set up the hands-free kit near the air bag. If wireless equipment is installed and the air bag is deployed, you may be seriously injured. (Sherlock, if the air bag is deployed, I was just in a fucking car accident so yeah, injury is a definite possibility. Also, I'd like my phone nearby so I can call for help. Thanks.)

- Do not use the phone in areas where its use is prohibited. [For example: aircraft] (Thank you, I was unsure what that prohibited word meant and needed clarification.)

- Do not use harsh chemicals (such as alcohol, benzene, thinners, etc) or detergents to clean your phone. This could cause a fire. (What are you people doing with your phone that it would need this? Seriously, I'm curious.)

- Do not use your phone in high explosive areas as the phone may generate sparks. (Well, shit, how am I supposed to call and brag about sneaking into the armory then?)

- Do not hold or let the antenna come in contact with your body during a call. (A: This phone doesn't have an antenna. B: Why not? You can't tell me not to do something without a good reason. Who's making up these stupid rules?)

- An emergency call can be made only within a service area. For an emergency call, make sure that you are within a service area and that the phone is turned on. (What does emergency mean to you?)Now mind you, this is just my smartass reaction because I assume if you're smart enough to own a cell phone, most if not all of these warnings are common sense. I could be wrong.